Someday I Will Understand

I've been so stressed out with studying and cramming to get all my assignments and reading done. I barely have time to breathe! So that's really what's been taking up a lot of my time and life. Of course I thought about Addison today. It made me a little bit sad. I tried to shop for some things for my friends who are pregnant and it was really hard. I look at all the baby things and think I could be needing that right now. I would be almost 21 weeks and know if I'm having a boy or girl-but of course mama knows you were a little girl!! I'm trying my best to keep positive but it's really hard. I can't change anything no matter how much I want to. I'm gonna try to not think about being pregnant with Addison because that will never happen :( Maybe I can think about being in love and pregnant but not with my baby girl :( I love her soooo much but what I want doesn't matter because it was in God's hands and it wasn't the right time. I do miss my baby but I really do need to try to move on somewhat. It's been almost 4 months since I lost her and I have to think of it as I gained a baby angel. I have so much to look forward to in heaven!! I can't wait for that day :)