88 days

I would welcome my baby Addison in about 12-13 weeks. I can't believe how much time has passed by. It's very diffcult. I miss her so much. I envision what she would look like and how her personality would be. I wish I could see her sweet little face, but that's not going to happen. Sometimes I wake up and hope that it was just a dream...that I am magically still pregnant. I open my eyes in the morning realize that it is all real. Each day that passes by makes it harder to want to stay awake. I wonder if she knows that I'm her mommy. Does she know how much I love her and how much I wanted her? Does she love me? Does she know that nothing and nobody can ever replace her?

Lost

I really feel like I lost my whole reason for existing :(

Check In

It's been awhile since I've posted. Things have been a little crazy plus I've kept pretty busy. I started my internship. It's going really well. I enjoy working with the kids, though it's a little tough when they're out of control. I have 2 weeks down and 3 left to go. I'm already dreading the end because you get so close to the kids. I see them more than I see my family.

I've been having a hard time letting go of Addison. I love her so much and I wish I had a big belly bump to show off. I would be so proud of my baby. I have definitely been avoiding my friends who are pregnant. It's just way too hard. The closer I get the more sad I feel.

I saw a man at one of the schools today who looked just like Steve. I hate that I have to be reminded of him. I hate to admit this but it made me upset because I do miss him. He is such an asshole and the things he said and did are unforgivable but there are still good feelings there...