Craziness

This has officially been the WORST year of my life. Let me list all the major things that have happened so far-
1. got into a car accident, broke tendons in my wrist, and got stuck without a car
2. parted ways with a really good friend (but she was a bitch anyways, so I'm okay with it)
3. moved back into my mom's house
4. lost the boy I truly loved :(
5. got my heart broken by a few stupid little fuckers
6. lost $200 (though will eventually get it back)
7. had the shittiest birthday ever because nobody came and my ex-sister left the day before to be with her real cousin (nice, huh?)
8. received some awful grades because of all the stress from the shit listed above
9. had numerous health problems & visited the ER I don't know how many times
10. have numerous large bills to pay off
11. no longer talking with my sister because of a huge, stupid fight
12. the worst-lost one of my closest friends in October RIP Nicole <3

I'm trying to make sense of it all. Sometimes I wonder why me?? I've been through so much crap and I feel like I've paid my dues. I've been hit, sworn at, made to feel like shit, been depressed...but you know what?? I'm still here. I may not be doing great, but I'm still kicking. I think I really need to understand this balance between appreciating what I have and striving to achieve more. Too much of either isn't good. There are a lot of things I need to change. I need to work on myself and what I want. I need to heal from my past and forgive myself because I know that's the only way I will be able to move on and get to where I really want to be-successful and happy. I'm young. I still have time. The hardest part is knowing what you want and being in the process of changing it. I hope I have the strength to make it through this time, so the real me can shine.