Now

I have an interview on Monday. I'm really excited and hope I get it. I'm ready to go back to work and make more money. Plus, I've been looking at apartments and am getting really excited about having my own place this summer. I hope everything works out. I'm so ready for a change.

As far as the baby goes, it's really hard still. I don't think I will ever completely get over it. It was just so unplanned, such a surprise. The best gifts are always the ones you don't expect. I think I just have to keep moving forward and make a great life for myself. I pray that one day I will have a baby-at the right time with the right man. Maybe it's weird to be thinking about this now, but when something so precious comes into your life and it's suddenly taken away, it feels awful. I just want everything to be alright. I want my plan for my life to work out because for me, I've never had these huge dreams. I want to travel a little bit and finish school and get a great job, but really, all I've wanted to do with my life is have a family. In the next 3-5 years I hope that happens.

Anyways, I'm excited for the new term because this one has been less than great. I had to drop one of my classes and I'm not positive that I will pass one. Fuck!! Well, I just have to do better. I need to get my motivation up. I'm pushing my graduation date further and further and I HAVE to graduate by fall 2012. I won't go an extra year. I absolutely refuse. I just want to get it done with, do the best I can, and move on. I'm ready to establish a life for myself-by myself.

My birthday is in 126 days. Yes, I have a countdown. lol. I'm so jazzed about turning 21. I feel like I've been waiting my whole life and it's just around the corner. Yay!! I have no idea exactly where I'm going to go but I know I'm gonna go out and get super drunk with all my friends. It's the first time it will be legal! Haha. Crazy, huh? Now nobody can tell me what to do. Nobody can criticize me for drinking or any of that shit because I'll be able to legally now. High five, I love you long time!!