NOWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Where to begin...

Well school is going alright. I'm really trying to stay focused and keep up on homework and reading and it's going well so far. I'm taking it one day at a time and not become too overwhelmed. My classes are fairly easy, just lots of reading which is okay I guess. I need to get my GPA up this term and I'm hopeful that I can do that :)

It's been about two months since I lost the baby and it's still very hard. A lot of friends are pregnant and while I am very happy for them I feel sad because I'm not. I still really wish I was. I was so excited to be a mommy and having a little baby in my tummy was such an amazing experience even if it didn't last very long. I'm trying to get to the realization that that is their life now and not mine. It's not my time yet. My plan is to get through school and then I can think about babies. It's really not that long, a year or two. I get to turn 21 and have fun then be done with school and think about those really great things like mommyhood. While I'm sad that now is not my time I have a lot of friends going through the same thing. To my friends currently pregnant, your joy and mommyhood starts now and for the rest of us we can experience lifes adventures in being 21, finish school and THEN it will be our turn and it will be amazing!! I just know that so many of us will be pregnant after school ends and I can't wait! We have a year or two and then we can all be together and share our baby blessings. I do believe that we will be in different spaces and be different people than we are now.

 I'm struggling with my health-in terms of eating healthfully and staying active. I've been taking prenatal vitamins to get folic acid in my system for when I eventually have a baby, but I'm really fat and it needs to stop. I weigh 180 and I at least need to get back to 160. I just don't feel good about myself physically and emotionally. I think working out like two or three times a week would help but I need to set up some sort of plan. Also, I need to be on a diet of healthy eating. more fruits and veggies. I'm getting broccoli, green beans, and oranges from the store tomorrow. Yum!

Well...my love life is fine at the moment. There is casually somebody. He's very nice and he has a big heart. I mean, nothing will ever come of it but we are having fun and it's nice to have somebody cuddle with me and hold my hand.

My back has been hurting. Gonna go see a chiropractor at some point. I can only support my huge tah tahs for so long without damage being done to my back.