Sweet October

My little angel in heaven. Are you now big and strong? I wish you were in my tummy still developing and growing. I would be finding out if you're my little boy or little girl! I would be buying you clothes. Blue or pink? Now I must wait until I reach heaven to be with you and see who you are and what you've become. I know that you are not alone. You are with Aunt Nicole and Aunt Taija. I hope that have found you and are taking care of you until I can do so. If I could change anything from my entire life it would be that you were still here. I loved you so much when you were in my tummy. I love you now more than ever. I have come to realize what you mean to me. You were physically a part of me. Even though you couldn't stay, you shone a light on my life. You saved me. My baby. You saved me from myself. While I would rather you here God did not see fit for us to be together right now. That's why he took you into heaven. He is protecting you until I am able to give all my love to you. I promise that love will accumulate and never lessen or cease to exist. The decisions I make are based upon you. I'm so sorry little boy or little girl that I cannot be holding you in my arms right now. One day that will happen and we will be free of pain and sorrow and just love each other.When it comes to this sweet October when you should be arriving in the world I will be so incredibly sad. I know I still have you. You're just not here. That hurts so bad. I'm sorry I didn't make a better decision and that I couldn't protect you. Above all, know I love you and I wanted you so much. Nothing ever can or will change that. You are my child. My first. My most special baby. Nothing could ever erase or make me regret the time you were here because it was so beautiful. October is going to be so hard no being able to see your sweet, angelic face. But I know you're safe in heaven with Auntie Nic & Taija. They will take amazing care of you. Do not be afraid little one. God has a plan for us and even though we may not see it or understand it, it's there. We just have to believe sweetie. Please believe that I love you and I would have kept you and don't it all my by myself if I had to. I would have been happy to do it too, as long as it was you by my side. My baby boo. I love you. Until we finally meet....It's so hard to wait that long. I'll just say I'll see you later little baby. I'll see you in heaven. And go find Aunt Nicole's baby girl. She is there waiting for her mommy. Keep her company :) Little boy.....little girl....nobody will ever love you as much as I do. You stay with me every day 24/7. Even though you are no longer physically a part of me, you're a part of my heart and soul. Our love will never die. I hope you have a sweet October. I will read to you and bring you flowers and come visit you. Sweet little baby I love you forever. Until the day we meet again. Goodbye. Mommy loves you :)