Sometimes

Sometimes I feel like nothing will get better. I feel completely alone and out of place. So many friends I know have boyfriends and/or are starting families. It just seems I'm behind. I really want a family, but I'm trying to finish school first. I missed out that chance to be a mommy and that's still hard for me. Nothing can ever make it better, no matter how right it may have been. It's really sad :/ I'm trying to stay strong and have faith but sometimes it's hard to believe in something you can't see or feel. I'm in this awkward, transitional period. I've very ready to start my life on my own terms. I just have to wait out the next month or so and then get on this path that everybody else seems to be on. I'm scared but I think it will be worthwhile. It feels right this time. Well, it at least feels MORE right this time. Maybe some new doors will open up to me, but if there's anything I've learned in the past few months, it's that doors can close as quickly as they open. I need to be pessimistic. Things are not what they seem. People will use you for their own gains. Sometimes I feel like God is using me. He used me to have a baby, only for her to be taken away from me. It's so cruel and unfair. I don't believe in fairytales or happy endings. I don't believe in good things.